-in a sorrow
23 Juni 2018
-in a sorrow
23 Juni 2018
Waktu memang jahanam. Kota kelewat kejam, dan pekerjaan menyita harapan. Hari-hari berulang, diriku kian hilang. Himpitan hutang. Tagihan awal bulan. O, demi Tuhan, atau demi setan, sumpah aku ingin rumah untuk pulang! Rindu menciptakan kampung halaman tanpa alasan. Uang bawa ‘tualang sesat di jalan, menjauhi pulang. [Song of Silampukau- Lagu Rantau (Sambat Omah)]
Lagu ini cerdas dan reflektif sekali. Sarat dengan kritik sosial dan mengartikulasikan suara-suara manusia sub-urban yang terbenam hingar bingar lampu metropolitan.
Lagu ini mengingatkan saya tentang dua hal: atomisation and alienation. Kaduanya punya akar sama: industrialisasi, kapitalisme, urbanisasi (not just geographically persae).
A mass society concists of people who can only relate to each other like atoms; consists of atomised people; who lack any meaningful or morally coherent relationships which other. And also, Adorno illustrated the alienation was found among the masses in capitalist societies: condition that in capitalist economy, resulting from all lack of identity with the products of labor and a sense of being exploitated (Dominic Strinati, 2014, p. 5&59)
Pada akhirnya, hanya kampung halaman dan ‘rumah’ lah yang selalu siap menanti kita pulang, menyambut dengan ramah.
Far away from home,
Seumpama benda, zakat adalah air pegunungan yang sejuk
Fitrahnya adalah mengalir dari tempat yang tinggi, ke tempat yang lebih rendah
Seumpama air, zakat adalah kebutuhan paling mendasar dari manusia
Bagi yang diatas ia menyucikan; bagi yang di bawah ia menghidupi
Seumpama zakat, air mengobati dahaga bagi siapa saja yang meneguknya
I don’t like the idea of, “falling in love.”
I prefer to look at love as a commitment, an everyday decision. And that takes effort, time, patience, humility, and trust. It’s not about falling, it’s about growing—
Growing in love.
Now that’s better.
I really believe that the reason why a lot of people, “fall out of love,” is because they just fell in it to begin with.
If your concept of love is based entirely on feelings, then you are bound to fall over and over and over, and it’s just gonna hurt each and every time.
The thing about growth is that it doesn’t happen overnight. It has to be cultivated, taken care of, given time, even pruned. But when it does happen, it certainly lasts.
This is why as cliché as it seems, I still believe in the foundation called friendship.
Save yourself from unnecessary heartbreak.
These things take time. Love is not a feeling, it is an act of self-giving. And let me tell you this,
you can’t give yourself if you don’t own yourself.
So make the most of what you have. Open up. Discover who you truly are. Surround yourself with friends and family. Know your worth in Christ. Find your sense of security there. Allow yourself to love and be loved.
I’ve been thinking about this over and over again. Last night, you; a man with a genuine-hearted talked to me and said that you’re sad. You were being brutally honest, told me about what had happened, what you felt, what you are afraid of. And honesty it is something i respect a lot. I was listening closely. Up to one point you stopped talking.
I thought that was my turn. Then, my bad, i said several (judgemental) words that i didn’t know i will regret. These words were very unfair, i thought. At this point, I felt that i’m NOT a good friend. Very bad. Totally bad. B.a.d. I should, like an elder people say, put my feet in other shoes but I didn’t. Now, I’m trying to see as closely as i can. I hope it helps.
I must say that nothing is easier than talk from outer point of view, acting like a teacher and give expired sermons: such a disclaimer. Ha. But i will repay it.
Contemplating all of these, i understand when I defined that choices is ‘10’ and I asked why you choose ‘0’ instead of ‘1’. Now i get it. Actually, like you said, people have their own phase and momentum. I realize schrödinger box has you inside. So, for now you are in a superposition and any probabilities can be happened. I am just a human being from out of nowhere who can only predict and can’t even imagine what you feel.
So, at the last, i just wanna say that you are priceless. You are too precious and not-so-worthy to destruct by anything. I see limbic system and cortex inside your brain which are battling and i wish they can find a w-w solution for this probelm very soon. And me, i am here right now, on your side 1000% and hope that everything’s gonna be alright. I’m ready to be your listener, everytime you need.
Larut malam di pertengahan 2016